I knew I wanted to be in comedy but the path of least resistance was doing stand-up in folk music clubs where I could get on stage. I guess you could get up no matter how bad you were and you didn't have to audition. You just got up. Everything else required an audition and if you auditioned for a TV show, you would stand in line with a hundred other people. But at the clubs, it was okay just to get up, so that's why I started in stand-up.

Romance takes place when you first fall in love. It stirs all emotions and you can manipulate and be manipulated.

A joke that works is complete knowledge in a nanosecond.

When you're reaching for a star, there's a long way to fall.

Being on Twitter is like having a fern.

[her] mind blackens. The blackness is not a thought, but if it could be pressed into a thought, if a chemical from a dropper could be dripped onto it causing its color and essence to become visible, it would take the shape of this sentence: Why does no one want me?

Hello. I'm hello, and I'd like to say myself.