There is something going on now in Mexico that I happen to think is cruelty to animals. What I'm talking about, of course, is cat juggling.

All of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.

Awards mean nothing to comedians. What matters is the audience, how you're doing - artistically, for the most part - at that moment.

The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart?

When people ask me, ‘how do you make it in show business,’ or whatever, what I always tell them — and nobody ever takes note of it ‘cuz it’s not the answer they wanted to hear…but I always say, ‘Be so good they can’t ignore you.’

How many people have never raised their hand before?

Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.