Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.

Working at the magic shop really gave me a sense of comedy because it was all jokes.

I've put an umbrella in my mouth and opened it. I sat in a lemon-meringue pie. I've done terrible things to my dog with a fork.

There is something going on now in Mexico that I happen to think is cruelty to animals. What I'm talking about, of course, is cat juggling.

I'm not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.

Comedy makes you humble. Because there are so many opportunities to miss, and strike out.

When people ask me, ‘how do you make it in show business,’ or whatever, what I always tell them — and nobody ever takes note of it ‘cuz it’s not the answer they wanted to hear…but I always say, ‘Be so good they can’t ignore you.’