All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

When I first started doing my comedy act, I just desperately needed material. So I took literally everything I knew how to do on stage with me, which was juggling, magic and banjo and my little comedy routines. I always felt the audience sorta tolerated the serious musical parts while I was doing my comedy.

As a school board we felt it's an unfair expense to families. The lawsuit has a certain logic to it - if you have free public education, you can't put these things on top of it. It defeats the purpose.

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

I was raised with "Laurel and Hardy" and "I Love Lucy" and Jerry Lewis, and I just loved it. And I had a friend in high school and we would just laugh all day and put on skits. You know, it's the Andy Kaufman thing or the Marty Short thing where you're performing in your bedroom for yourself.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.

I was not naturally talented. I didn't sing, dance or act, though working around that minor detail made me inventive.