The rhino is now more or less extinct, and it's not because of global warming or shrinking habitats. It's because of Beyonce's handbags.

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable now.

I still don't belong to anyone - I am mine.

You can't help but feel that the Chinese people are a subspecies.

Artists aren't really people. And I'm actually 40 per cent papier mache.

I wish that Prince Charles had been shot. I think it would have made the world a more interesting place.

He referred to me as an 'insufferable puffed-up prat'. This is a bit rich coming from a man who actually married his own mother.