I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable now.

I am still my teenage self. If you think that we all step through a door marked Adult, or that we sign a Grown-Up Document, you’re quite wrong. We remain as we always were, and that, alas, is one of life’s many nasty tricks.

Can you squeeze me into an empty page of your diary and psychologically save me?

In my life why do I smile at people I'd rather kick in the eye?

Nothing is important, so people, realising that, should get on with their lives, go mad, take their clothes off, jump in the canal, jump into one of those supermarket trolleys, race around the supermarket and steal Mars bars and kiss kittens.

He [Elton John] is pushing his face in all the time and telling us about his private life. Nobody's interested. He should just go away.

I'm not very good at being dull.