Jesus made me, so he should save me from pity, sympathy and idiots discussing me.

War, I thought, was the most negative aspect of male heterosexuality. If more men were homosexual, there would be no wars, because homosexual men would never kill other men, whereas heterosexual men love killing other men.

Rush to danger; wind up nowhere.

I'm capable of looking on the bright side. I just don't do it very often.

Animals are nicer than humans and they're conscious beings. If you stick your grandmother in an oven, she will probably be tasty. But is that any reason to eat your grandmother?

How can anybody say they know how I feel? The only one around here who is me, is ME.

I called to wish you an unhappy birthday because you're evil and you lie and if you should die I may feel slightly sad, but I won't cry.