I married two weeks after my 18th birthday, far too young, and by the time I was 23 I was a single mother of three small children, Sean, Daniel and Victoria, living in a prefab house.

I'd love a day devoid of responsibilities. I've often thought about going to a hotel just to have a day away from everything.

I asked Mr. Vann which O levels you need to write situation comedy for television. Mr. Vann said that you don't need qualifications at all, you just need to be a moron.

Barry Kent's father looks like a big ape and has got more hair on the back of his hands than my father has got on his entire head.

8.45 a.m. My mother is in the hospital grounds smoking a cigarette. She is looking old and haggard. All the debauchery is catching up with her.

Every time I start a new piece of work, I spend a long while under the duvet thinking I can't do it.

I don't know why women are so mad about flowers. Personally, they leave me cold. I prefer trees.