8.45 a.m. My mother is in the hospital grounds smoking a cigarette. She is looking old and haggard. All the debauchery is catching up with her.

I think we take it for granted that if you are with your husband after 30 years, then he is the love of your life.

Yes, I hate it when people call me a 'national treasure'. It takes away your bite and makes you feel like a harmless old golden Labrador.

There's only one thing more boring than listening to other people's dreams, and that's listening to their problems.

Most social problems could be helped or prevented if people had more money and practical advice.

I am from the working class. I am now what I was then. No amount of balsamic vinegar and Prada handbags could make me forget what it was like to be poor.

The monarchy is finished. It was finished a while ago, but they're still making the corpses dance.