8.45 a.m. My mother is in the hospital grounds smoking a cigarette. She is looking old and haggard. All the debauchery is catching up with her.

There's only one thing more boring than listening to other people's dreams, and that's listening to their problems.

I never imagined when I began writing in the early 1960s I'd become professional and my life would be transformed.

Yes, I hate it when people call me a 'national treasure'. It takes away your bite and makes you feel like a harmless old golden Labrador.

My skin is dead good. I think it must be a combination of being in love and Lucozade.

I'd love a day devoid of responsibilities. I've often thought about going to a hotel just to have a day away from everything.

I am the world's worst diabetic.