I deal with the depraved, the sick, the pathetic, the disturbing and the profoundly depressed. I will try it all on. I will try on what I am and what I never want to be. And everything I wanted to be, but never can be. I can be a supermodel, or your worst nightmare. Off-stage, I just get to leave it, and nobody thinks I'm like that. This is what prevents me from being a psychopath and a sociopath, my time on stage.

The longer you wait, the more the jump rope becomes a big steel cable.

When the audience isn't laughing, that doesn't mean that they're not fascinated.

If I don't have fun, it's my own damn fault.

If you're dumb enough to make me talk I'm smart enough to speak.

If you're not having fun, you're the asshole.

Symmetry looks good to us; we want more of it.