He will think Lochan wasn't loved, but he was, more deeply than most people are in a lifetime.

He will think Lochan wasn't loved, but he was, more deeply than most people are in a lifetime.

The words fire from my mouth like bullets, ricocheting off the walls before I can even register what I'm saying.

Before there was anything, there was Lochan.

Never before have I imagined my life without him—like this house, he is my only point of reference in this difficult existence, this unstable and frightening world. The thought of his leaving home fills me with a terror so strong, it takes my breath away. I feel like one of those seagulls covered in oil from a spill, drowning in a black tar of fear.

Do I realy regret that night? That one moment of joy beyond compare – some people never experience it in a lifetime. But the downside to that taste of pure happiness is that,like a drug, a glimmer of paradise, it leaves you craving more.

But I don't want to be fine, not if it means she's going to let go of my hand; not if it means we're going to go back to being polite strangers.