I have a lot of friends who are getting married. I try to avoid talking to them about their sex lives now 'cause it's so depressing. One guy told me it had been six months since he had gotten to second base with his wife. Yeah, I don't know which one was more pathetic: that he used the phrase 'second base' or that he hadn't been there in six months?
Ted AlexandroThe more you perform, the more adept you get at the nuances of navigating that communal conversation.
Ted AlexandroI'm keeping in shape, you know, gotta look good for the ladies - and certain guys. Hey, I can't control who's looking. I just gotta bring the heat.
Ted AlexandroUltimately, an audience wants to laugh. That's who they like, the comedian who makes them laugh.
Ted AlexandroI'm just looking for a little mystery in life... like things you can't explain. Like, you go to Mexico, they tell you don't drink the water. You go to any diner here, who brings you the water? It's a mystery.
Ted Alexandro