I have a lot of friends who are getting married. I try to avoid talking to them about their sex lives now 'cause it's so depressing. One guy told me it had been six months since he had gotten to second base with his wife. Yeah, I don't know which one was more pathetic: that he used the phrase 'second base' or that he hadn't been there in six months?

I'm just looking for a little mystery in life... like things you can't explain. Like, you go to Mexico, they tell you don't drink the water. You go to any diner here, who brings you the water? It's a mystery.

TV is a different animal. It's not a club set. As you said, you do short sets on TV - about five minutes. So you have to get that rhythm down and also be aware of the camera so you're connecting with the viewers at home as well as the studio audience. It's a different muscle to develop.

Not that that's the goal, but sometimes these funny insights can also be deeply profound.

I often think about my future wife and how lax she's been about getting in touch with me.

Hard work is a muscle that you develop, as is taking risks.

Your stage persona is usually a version of yourself, to varying degrees. Some folks do a full-on character, so that's different. But most comics do some version of themselves.