The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.

I may be daft but I'm no' stupid!

All tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums.

Occasionally he would very nearly swear.

It is at this point that normal language gives up, and goes and has a drink.

This is space. It's sometimes called the final frontier. (Except that of course you can't have a final frontier, because there'd be nothing for it to be a frontier to, but as frontiers go, it's pretty penultimate . . .)

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.