Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life.

Yes, sir, thank you, sir, and I wouldn’t trust me one little inch, sir. I knows a bad one when I sees them. I have a mirror.

If there were such a thing as an inter-city thieving contest, Ankh-Morpork would bring home the trophy and probably everyone’s wallets.

I'm fairy godmothering a girl who sounds like something you put up in the rain.

I don't really plan. I'm almost intuitive about things.

You did what you were told or you didn't get paid, and if things went wrong it wasn't your problem. It was the fault of whatever idiot has accepted this message for sending in the first place. No one cared about you, and everyone at headquarters was an idiot. It wasn't your fault, no one listened to you. Headquarters had even started an Employee of the Month scheme to show how much they cared. That was how much they didn't care.

People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked.