If there were such a thing as an inter-city thieving contest, Ankh-Morpork would bring home the trophy and probably everyone’s wallets.

Inside every lump of coal there's a diamond waiting to get out.

Joy is to fun what the deep sea is to a puddle. It’s a feeling inside that can hardly be contained.

I'd like to stand up for the rights of people who put everything on their burger - chutney, mustard, pickle, mustard pickle, tomato sauce... It is common knowledge in my family that I can't tell the difference between a veggie burger and a meat one, because the ratio of burger to pickles is so high.

There are thousands of good reasons why magic doesn't rule the world. They're called Witches and Wizards.

Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.

... when your name is really and truly Percy Blakeney, pronounced 'Black-knee', and you still have bad acne in your twenties, you accept Pimple as a nickname and are grateful that it wasn't anything worse.