Give anyone a lever long enough and they can change the world. It's unreliable levers that are the problem.

Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.

In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity.

Be careful what you wish for. You never know who will be listening.

I can't be talking to a tree. If I was talking to a tree I'd be mad, and I'm not mad, so trees can't talk.

You can't inspire people with facts. They need a cause. They need a symbol.