Where's the pleasure in bein' the winner if the loser ain't alive to know they've lost?

Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page.

And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

You can’t say ‘if this didn’t happen then that would have happened’ because you don’t know everything that might have happened. You might think something’d be good, but for all you know it could have turned out horrible. You can’t say ‘If only I’d…’ because you could be wishing for anything. The point is, you’ll never know. You’ve gone past. So there’s no use thinking about it.

In defiance of Miss Maccalariat I'd like to commit hanky-panky with you, Miss Adora Belle Dearheart... well, certainly hanky, and possibly panky when we get to know one another better.

No clowns were funny. That was the whole purpose of a clown. People laughed at clowns, but only out of nervousness. The point of clowns was that, after watching them, anything else that happened seemed enjoyable