Don't start drinking before the fifth song.

I don't make the mistake of thinking it's a major musical event. I love the Eurovision Song Contest and it will continue long after I'm gone. Just please don't ask me to take it seriously.

Worried about a skin condition? Leap smartly into a bath of porridge.

Television contracts the imagination and radio expands it.

Don't start drinking before the fifth song.

Sadly, I cant avoid being 75. Like many people of my age, we are all heading towards the grim reaper, and I am clinging on. I just to have to sharpen my fingernails a little so that I can hang on for longer!

But they're laughing at you. They're not laughing with you.