It's God's will that millions of people are gonna die this year because of some outmoded economic policies? No, it's not!

My uncle used to sit me on his lap and play "ventriloquist", only I wasn't wearing pants.

I've tried crowd surfing but the radiating light that surrounds me kept sending me floating into the heavens. Goddamn I'm beautiful

Sometimes we and the members of Coldplay have an orgy together, (Martin) insists we don't invite any women, but I always invite a few. Usually I sing Fake Plastic Trees while he reams me from behind *Laughs* It wears me out *laughs*.

Amnesiac was written to make fun of senior citizens with alzheimers. I hate them and I wish they'd die.

I agree with whoever said Spice Girls are soft port. They're the antichrist.

The allegations of me being a pedophile are spurious, at best. However I will admit that taking my knickers off in the park and having an Easter Egg hunt with those apple-cheeked four year olds was in my best interest and not theirs