Every Christmas people are so nice to me, they think I am Little Tim from A Christmas Story. But I'm not. *smiles*

Sometimes we and the members of Coldplay have an orgy together, (Martin) insists we don't invite any women, but I always invite a few. Usually I sing Fake Plastic Trees while he reams me from behind *Laughs* It wears me out *laughs*.

I'm not saying my fans are stupid, but I once left a cabbage onstage next to a harmonica and nobody noticed for three hours

I use various soaps and hand sanitizers in the shower. I shower maybe fifteen times a day, but Thom Yorke is never really clean *laughs*.

I could not extrapolate some emotion from any song after 1997 so I bought a drum machine and popped pills. The pink ones make me funny like elephants!

How come I end up where I started How come I end up where I belong... You used to be alright What happened?

And if the world does turn, and if London burns, I'll be standing on the beach with my guitar. I want to be in a band, when I get to Heaven. Anyone can play guitar, and they won't be a nothing anymore.