I didn't ask to be Thom Yorke. Thom Yorke asked to be me.

My mother tried to abort me herself with a coathanger, hence my wobbly eye.

I've been reading a book lately. That book is Thom Yorke, and the conclusion is that he's brilliant.

I'm a full grown man and I'm not tall enough to ride a rollercoaster. So I will sit on the teacups, eat my tea and biscuits and reminisce with the cheshire cat who lives in my head. Oh hello Mr. Cheshire, lovely weather this morning. Mr. Cheshire? Oh my god.

i'M nOT thOM yorkE but a. ROBOT.

I bought a blimp just so I could get a bunch of wankers excited over nothing, what did you do with your weekend?

When people ask me for an autograph I usually ask for a pen and then stab them with it.