Sometimes we and the members of Coldplay have an orgy together, (Martin) insists we don't invite any women, but I always invite a few. Usually I sing Fake Plastic Trees while he reams me from behind *Laughs* It wears me out *laughs*.

Well actually I'm not a man but a carrot. The band was eating salads one day and a carrot fell off of the salad bar onto a microphone and the band realized that they had just discovered something brilliant. Me.

I didn't ask to be Thom Yorke. Thom Yorke asked to be me.

Like a fat raccoon rummaging through the garbage, that how I eat. Like a f-king fat raccoon.

People are born with certain faces, like my father was born with a face that people want to hit.

Have I told you I have cancer? It's a very special kind of cancer. Cancer of the soul.

Yes I usually make my kids eat their veggie chops and watch my concerts in dead silence. If they ask to watch spongebob squarepants I usually do something volatile like make them eat a yellow sponge with googly eyes on it. I hit them quite a bit, but then again I blame the condom manufacturing government for forcing me to birth them.