Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he's a goddamn chicken he doesn't know what the **** he's doing

If I were to be any celebrity, I'd be Chris Martin. I've always wondered what it would be like to be jealous of Thom Yorke.

I actually saw the loch ness monster when I was 9. She was big as a house. Want to know who the loch ness monster is? It's your obese mother. Burn mother****er

OK Computer? More like No Thank You Computers. They killed my father, and I hate them.

Hungry Hungry Hippos is so depressing. You continuously chomp away at those balls and you are alone and it's your birthday.'

The people in charge, globally, are maniacs. They are maniacs, and unless we do something about it these people are going to deprive us of a future.

And the moral of the story is I'm Thom Yorke.