Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he's a goddamn chicken he doesn't know what the **** he's doing

I'm banned from Middlebrook elementary for telling dirty jokes to the janitor. The janitor! He cleans up dirt for a living.

Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it’s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you’re a part of them.

What's the difference between Thom Yorke and a pizza? Pizza's not as cheesy and delicious as Thom Yorke.

I cannot read a fortune cookie without breaking down and crying. I am sensitive.

I hate to sound self absorbed, but I'm just going to cast out this pearl of wisdom, if I could give the whole world cancer and kill them and be the last man on earth it would be a sign that god loves me especially.

What happens a lot with songwriting is that a melody or rhythm or something stays with you like catching a cold. And during that time what happens is that I can then fit things on to it, it all fits and glues together. Sometimes it's crazy cos it can almost be anything. But if you catch the cold then the nonsense makes sense. It's like you're getting beamed it, like with a ouija board and something's pushing your hand. It's not a pleasant experience necessarily.