Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he's a goddamn chicken he doesn't know what the **** he's doing

I'm celibate. It's not that I'm a religious or moral person or anything, it's just, if you aren't ****ing Thom Yorke, what's the point? Actually, just kidding, Thom Yorke and I **** all the time. Hehehe. Had you.

I once wrote a song so beautiful that I myself couldn't sing it. It's called Plastic Government Cheese Swan, and it's about how the world is plastic and full of government cheese swans.

i'M nOT thOM yorkE but a. ROBOT.

I could blow bubbles. Bubbles would solve any dilemma we face. If bubbles were president there would be no war.

Have you ever seen any member of radiohead aside from me in public? Do they interact or 'lift' objects? Holograms, all of them. I created them in 1991 using my massive brainpower. Even pitchforkmedia is a product of my brilliant imagination.

Our merchandised may be over priced, but I think it's reasonable considering I only want more money.