As a boy I was a hermit crab, but I soon came out of my shell. Now I am a pincer crab, and soon I will be at my full power as a deadly nuclear lobster.

People are born with certain faces, like my father was born with a face that people want to hit.

It's a fine line between writing something with genuine emotional impact and turning into little idiots feeling sorry for ourselves and playing stadium rock.

I'm banned from Middlebrook elementary for telling dirty jokes to the janitor. The janitor! He cleans up dirt for a living.

I guess I am narcisstic, but only in the sense that I am brilliant and tortured as well

Are you feeling lucky? Cause I'm on a roll.

I'm actually an athiest. That's kind of deep you must admit.