As a boy I was a hermit crab, but I soon came out of my shell. Now I am a pincer crab, and soon I will be at my full power as a deadly nuclear lobster.

Nobody wins the superbowl, I win the superbowl. I am the superbowl.

It turns out I have clinical schizophrenia. The unborn chicken voices were telling me to kill my family.

I don't even have children, it's just been an excuse to play jenga and hit softballs in my backyard with a box of laundry detergant wearing baby clothes.

I often steal sandwiches, eat them, and put the container's back., with a signed autograph of my self in its place. It's my way of giving back to society.

Most Radiohead songs are actually REM songs, I just have a mentally ill child read the lyrics aloud and then I change the melodies a bit.

If I could be any animal I would be a pony because then I could have sex with ponies.