The bagpipes sound exactly the same when you have finished as when you started

Movie music is noise. It's even more painful than my sciatica.

"Have you heard any Stockhausen?" Beecham was asked. "No, but I believe I have stepped in some."

The sound of the harpsichord resembles that of a bird-cage played with toasting-forks.

I have just been all round the world and have formed a very poor opinion of it.

A soprano in Massenet's Don Quixote complained that she had missed her entry in the aria, "because Mr. Challiapin always dies too soon." "Madam, you must be profoundly in error," said Sir Thomas, "No operatic star has yet died half soon enough for me."

As you'll never hear the thing again, my boy, why not throw in a couple of brass bands?