If she is attractive, I can't perform with her; if she is not, then I won't.

Too much counterpoint; what is worse, Protestant counterpoint.

If an opera cannot be played by an organ grinder, it's not going to achieve immortality.

I find brass bands have a melancholy sound. All right out of doors, of course - fifty miles away. Like bagpipes, they turn what had been a dream into a public nuisance.

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.

We cannot expect you to be with us all the time, but perhaps you could be good enough to keep in touch now and again.