When asked whether he minded if someone smoked in a non-smoking compartment. Certainly not if you don't object if I'm sick.

The trouble with women in an orchestra is that if they're attractive it will upset my players and if they're not it will upset me.

The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away.

The sound of a harpsichord - two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm.

There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between.

Composers and musicians have always starved and, as this is a sentimental country, we think the tradition should be continued.