I consider parenting skills, those skills that help children: (1) develop clear and important goals; and (2) figure out flexible and persistent ways of achieving their goals.

Any statements from the parents may seem like criticism or judgment by the child or adolescent. It's very important that the child or adolescent does most of the talking and the parent asks questions curiously to understand the perspective of the child or adolescent.

When a child or adolescent is troubled, the most important thing for the parent to focus on may very well be their relationship with their child or adolescent. Parents need to do whatever they can to make sure the relationship is strong.

There is no one best way for parents to become the parents they want to be just as there is no one best way for a child to grow into a contented and contributing member of society.

Once parents have a clear idea of their important parenting goals, beliefs, and values, they can then think about specific situations and identify the outcomes they would like to achieve in these situations. How can you be the parent you want to be whether or not your children are behaving as you would prefer?

Somewhat paradoxically, parenting programs should focus on the behavior of the parents not the behavior of the children.

Seeking the counsel of trusted and respected health professionals can also be helpful in providing parents with some balance for their concerns as well as other avenues of support.