Just say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.

After college, I knew I wanted to work in comedy, so the first thing I did was go to where the comedy was. I moved from Charlottesville to Chicago, because that's where The Second City and Improv Olympics are. You have to go wherever you need to go to study what interests you.

I think the Web is, you know, things like YouTube and stuff are absolutely where a lot of younger people are watching their TV on iTunes in the Web and YouTube, whatever. So, I think it's an important place to have a presence.

Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

I want to spend time with Oprah and I don't know what I need to do to make that happen.

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”

When I first set out to ruin SNL, I didn't think anyone would notice, but I persevered because - like you trying to do a nine-piece jigsaw puzzle - it was a labour of love.