I was a very confident little kid.

A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm on my game.

It's hard to get laughs when you're new.

If you’re looking for a spiritual allegory in the style of C.S. Lewis, I guess you could piece something together with Lorne Michaels as a symbol for God and my struggles with hair removal as a metaphor for virtue

I want to spend time with Oprah and I don't know what I need to do to make that happen.

We're gonna promote freedom. Usher in democratic values and ideals. And fight terror-loving terrorists.

The New York Post quoted Senator Hillary Clinton saying that she would never run for President, declaring "That is not something I'm going to be doing. "Which in Clinton talk means "I will be President in three years.