Seriously, I've just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.
If everyone had a dad like mine, no one would have sex tapes.
Whenever you see me, I'm on antique quaaludes.
I don't like my feet. I'm not crazy about anybody's feet. But I have flat feet.
What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn't used to have to do that. But now I do.
You transition as a mother from literally just pulling a booger out of that person's nose whenever you see one until at some point they assert: "No, I'm a person. You can't fix my underpants on the subway."