You mostly know that you want to be funny, know that you have the desire. It's not like people who grow up beautiful and can look in the mirror and be like, I'm beautiful! Funny is more of a journey. And a desperate attempt.

Researches reported that they developed a self-healing plastic that repairs itself if cracked. The plastic will change the way airplanes are built and medicine is practiced. In a related story, Joan Rivers will never die.

You can fix it as soon as you get up - you brush and use mouthwash - but there’s something about knowing you woke up with hot-mothball mouth that makes you feel old. I think God designed our mouths to die first to help us slowly transition to the grave.

Start with a 'Yes', and see where that takes you.

It's like being a little kid again, parading around in a nightgown tucked into your underpants, believing it looks terrific.

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”

I'm married, you know. I love my husband and I have a child.