Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity.

I never get to go to movies, because I'm a mom.

Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity.

In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.

(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? “I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open.” The crowd cheers.

Sometimes if you have a difficult decisin to make, just stall until the answer presents itself.