Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity.

I don't live the single life and never really did.

I was taken to an examining room where a big butch nurse practitioner came in and asked me if I was pregnant. “No way!” Was I sexually active? “Nope!” Had I ever been molested? “Well,” I said, trying to make a joke, “Oprah says the only answers to that question are ‘Yes’ and ‘I don’t remember.’ ” I laughed. We were having fun. The nurse looked at me, concerned/annoyed.

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue.

To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.

We should leave people alone about their weight. Being chubby for a while (provided you don’t give yourself diabetes) is a natural phase of life and nothing to be ashamed of. Like puberty or slowly turning into a Republican.

Whatever the problem - be part of the solution