Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children's medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.

Seriously, I've just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.

I think people fetishize glasses in general. You could put glasses on a rotting pumpkin and people would think it was sexy.

If a bout of "creepy face" sets in, the trick is to look away from the camera between shots and turn back only when necessary. This also limits how much of your soul the camera can steal.

[...] things most people do naturally are often inexplicably difficult for me.

I hope for his sake that Tracy's apology will be accepted as sincere by his gay and lesbian coworkers at 30 Rock, without whom Tracy would not have lines to say, clothes to wear, sets to stand on, scene partners to act with, or a printed-out paycheck from accounting to put in his pocket.

I really love cursing a lot. But as I get older, I realize it's a little unseemly for women of a certain age.