I still want Oprah to play my best friend. I want to spend time with Oprah.

In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history's worst decisions [...].

This made no sense to me, probably because I speak English and have never had a head injury.

This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. You're up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it'll be between you and Barbara. Don't be fooled. You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone.

I want to spend time with Oprah and I don't know what I need to do to make that happen.

I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.

When humor works, it works because it's clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real.