I still want Oprah to play my best friend. I want to spend time with Oprah.

I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.

No other formula gives your baby a better start in life except that stuff that comes out of you for free.

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”

You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers!

In real life these women experienced different sides of the same sexism coin. People who didn't like Hillary called her a ballbuster. People who didn't like Sarah called her Caribou Barbie. People attempted to marginalize these women based on their gender.

When choosing sexual partners, remember: Talent is not sexually transmittable.