When choosing sexual partners, remember: Talent is not sexually transmittable.

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

We should leave people alone about their weight. Being skinny for a while (provided you actually eat food and don't take pills or smoke to get there) is a perfectly fine pastime. Everyone should try it once, like a super-short haircut or dating a white guy.

Trying to be a leader in a sort of very atypical workplace like 'Saturday Night Live' forces you to realize that no one wants you to be their leader. If you can help them get their thing on TV or whatever, they want that. But no adult is looking for a role model.

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”

It's like being a little kid again, parading around in a nightgown tucked into your underpants, believing it looks terrific.

...nothing is creepier than a bunch of adults being very quiet.