(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)

I am going to dedicate myself, full time, to my day-drinking.

Not only is my wardrobe totally average, my body's totally average. I love all the candy-fantasy fulfillment of Sex and the City.

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion, just thinking foolishly that you will be able to do what you want to do

It is less dangerous to draw a cartoon of Allah French-kissing Uncle Sam — which, let me make it very clear, I have not done — than it is to speak honestly about [working moms].

Everybody kind of gets to be the person they didn't get to be.

The more New Yorkers like something, the more disgusted they are. "The kitchen was all Sub-Zero: I want to kill myself. The building has a playroom that makes you want to break your own jaw with a golf club. I can't take it.