In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.

I have to say, I'm really not that attractive. Until I met my husband, I could not get a date.

You can fix it as soon as you get up - you brush and use mouthwash - but there’s something about knowing you woke up with hot-mothball mouth that makes you feel old. I think God designed our mouths to die first to help us slowly transition to the grave.

When I turned 50, I looked in the mirror and I thought: "Hey, this isn't the dress rehearsal, this is life and I don't know how much longer I'm going to have!"

A combustion engine of ambition and disappointment.

The ladies of comedy now are comfortable dressing up. It's not forbidden anymore.