What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn't used to have to do that. But now I do.

I think women dress for other women to let them know what their deal is. Because if women were only dressing for men, there would be nothing but Victoria's Secret. There would be no Dior.

Let's review the cost-free techniques that we've learned so far for raising an achievement-oriented, obedient, drug-free, virgin adult: Calamity, Praise, Local Theater, and flat feet. Another key element is "Strong Father Figure / Fear Thereof."

I think people fetishize glasses in general. You could put glasses on a rotting pumpkin and people would think it was sexy.

Life is improvisation.

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”

In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history's worst decisions [...].