If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”

Your initiations are worthwhile.

I want every day to be the most boring news day ever. I want every day to be about spelling bee champions and baby basketball. It's better to have no comedy material than a horrific news day.

It is less dangerous to draw a cartoon of Allah French-kissing Uncle Sam — which, let me make it very clear, I have not done — than it is to speak honestly about [working moms].

Wafah Dufour bin Laden, niece of Osama bin Laden has signed a contract to star in a reality show... called Skating with the Nieces of Terrorists.

Gravity”: “It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die then spend one more minute with a woman his own age.

Don't waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions... Do your thing and don't care if they like it.