When hiring, mix Harvard Nerds with Chicago Improvisers and stir.

You know who does have a funny bone in her body? Your mom every night for a dollar.

Sometimes when you're doing a comedy, the director will yell out "alts" and then the director gets the first laugh.

I never get to go to movies, because I'm a mom.

To me YES, AND means don't be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you're adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.

Whenever you see me, I'm on antique quaaludes.

Once or twice a week I would set my alarm for six A.M. so I could get up and plug in Hot Stix...I would study the curls in the mirror, impressed with both the appliance and my newfound ability to use it. Then, without fail, at the last second before leaving for school, I would ask myself, "Am I supposed to brush it out or leave it?" Why could I never remember" That feeling of "I'm pretty sure this next step is wrong, but I'm just gonna do it anyway" is part of the same set of instincts that makes me such a great cook.