I hire people that are good, and aren't crazy. Or assholes. Because that takes up too much time. There are just as many good people who are not crazy.

You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It only makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores.

Last night the Taliban offered to release eight Westerners if the U.S. promised not to attack. The State Department declined but thanked the Taliban for the offer, saying it really felt good to laugh again.

In Into the Woods, Cinderella runs from her prince, Rapunzel is thrown from a tower for her prince, and Sleeping Beauty just thought she was getting coffee with Bill Cosby.

You don't just decide to destroy a person by making up stuff, and no one at 'SNL' is writing to go after someone.

We should leave people alone about their weight. Being chubby for a while (provided you don’t give yourself diabetes) is a natural phase of life and nothing to be ashamed of. Like puberty or slowly turning into a Republican.

Instead of trying to fit an impossible ideal, I took a personal inventory of all my healthy body parts for which I am grateful: Straight Greek eyebrows. They start at the hairline at my temple and, left unchecked, will grow straight across my face and onto yours.