We should leave people alone about their weight. Being chubby for a while (provided you don’t give yourself diabetes) is a natural phase of life and nothing to be ashamed of. Like puberty or slowly turning into a Republican.

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

Let's review the cost-free techniques that we've learned so far for raising an achievement-oriented, obedient, drug-free, virgin adult: Calamity, Praise, Local Theater, and flat feet. Another key element is "Strong Father Figure / Fear Thereof."

The eyes are the window to where the soul is supposed to be.

No other formula gives your baby a better start in life except that stuff that comes out of you for free.

Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we're like Oprah and Gale. Only we're not denying anything.

Whatever the problem - be part of the solution