Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to people by making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity.

You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

You can't control things by being nervous.

I'm still technically employed by the National Broadcasting Company.

You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone.

It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.

There should be a new, more honest euphemism. Like, I'm leaving office because I plan to solicit more anonymous sex in bathrooms.