If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward.

I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all

I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.

I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase

I loved Australia. I was very successful there

I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right.

I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value.