The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.

Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife. Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life. But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways, We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days. Hearts full of youth, Hearts full of truth, Six parts gin to one part vermouth.

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

Bad weather always looks worse through a window.

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here

Comedy is very important. For one thing, it keeps you sane. But it's not really a conversion. I mean, it's marginally a conversion, because if people tune in or go to a nightclub or even watch television, and hear that a lot of other people are laughing at something you thought was not funny, at least it'll force you to reconsider.

Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.