Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and not about the important things, like the fact that he wouldn't ban landmines...I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirize George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporize them. And that's not funny....OK, well, if I say that, I might get a shock laugh, but it's not really satire.

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

Filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.

I find that if you take the various popular song forms to their logical extremes, you can arrive at almost anything from the ridiculous to the obscene-or, as they say in New York, sophisticated.

Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!

Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.