Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.

I always like to make explicit the fact that before I went off not too long ago to fight in the trenches, I was a mathematician by profession. I don't like people to get the idea that I have to do this for a living. I mean, it isn't as though I had to do this, you know, I could be making, oh, three thousand dollars a year just teaching.

Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!

I'm very proud of myself on my, whatever the literacy is, I'm pretentious, totally pretentious. I like to say 'hmm', for example.

If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.