Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.

Irreverence is easy - whats hard is wit.

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.

I wasn't really a performer by temperament.

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

One of the problems I see with these comics on television, particularly cable television, is, since you can say anything in terms of sex and scatological references and so on, therefore, you should do it. So they all limit themselves to these subjects and this vocabulary. My objection is that it is a lack of articulateness. Irreverence is easy, but what is hard is wit. Wit is what these comedians lack.