You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my target was not so much evil, but benign stupidity people doing stupid things without realising or, instead, thinking they were doing good.

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.

For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

Always predict the worst, and you'll be hailed as a prophet.

I wasn't really a performer by temperament.