Bones heal, but the loss of my friend will never heal.

If you don't laugh, you're going to cry and people are crying. That's why I guess you have lots of people like comedians to keep us laughing.

Having a daughter makes you see things in a different way. This is my only girl. So I don't care what it takes to protect her. You can call it what you want to call it. As long as you treat her the same way I treat her, like my princess, I don't mind.

I like to do stand-up for people who live real life.

Live every week like it's shark week.

In my heart, I really don't care who you love, same sex or not; as long as you have the ability to love, that's the important thing here.

I give [Barack Obama] a 10 [on a scale of 1 to 10] because he's not God, and he inherited a couple of wars, and a financial mess.I want to see him curse somebody out on TV. You can't finesse a bull. He's gotta throw down. He's in the shark tank.