I'm old, and so busy with work, that I like to just stay home and get my sleep now. I try not to burn both ends of the candle.

Michael's the ultimate entertainer. After Michael Jackson, it's Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, and Bruce Lee.

If you don't laugh, you're going to cry and people are crying. That's why I guess you have lots of people like comedians to keep us laughing.

They say when opportunity knocks you should let it in and invite it to sit at your table. F*** that -- when opportunity knocks, you should take it captive. Beat that s*** down. I've got opportunity tied to a chair in my basement with a ball gag in its mouth. Opportunity ain't even thinking about leaving my house. If you keep quiet for a second, you'll hear it whining.

Stand-up is the foundation to my career. It's what I started out doing.

When I'm in the mood to listen to music, I do like to go to the SkyBar [ L.A.].

I can make people laugh at the drop of a dime. God's given me that ability.